Year 1, Day 8

So let me take it all back. Forget every word I said yesterday, because I AM a CONTROL freak. I'm not any better since I had Jackson. Who was I kidding? If anything...I am worse and slowly progressing into the most annoying wife and mother on this planet. Let me explain.

This evening, I am preparing to leave town for a wedding. I have never left Jackson for more than night, so there is a bit of anxiousness involved in taking a flight out of state. I'm not a very good air traveler. It's not that I don't like to fly, but I just don't do it often enough for it to feel like second nature. I have a hard time believing that something so enormous can just speed through the air suspended in flight. I know it's possible, obviously, and relatively safe for the most part, but there is still that part of me that looks out the plane window and is astonished that there is only a clear piece of plastic between me and my ability to touch the clouds. It's quite unbelievable and we all really take it for granted. So I digress...

So I am packing myself for a long weekend, and packing Jackson for a few days with his dad and Grammie. The amount of things to remember is overwhelming. And, I obviously can't tackle such a feat without a few lists...but I find myself being the annoying wife that leaves her husband little notes like "Don't forget Jack's Rx in the fridge, and don't forget to bring it home from daycare since you need to bring it there this morning." It's awful. Very annoying. I even packed every little item I could think of and put it in the Xterra already. The boys aren't leaving town until Saturday! Worse yet, I bought an extra set of wipes and a few diapers to put by our bed...just so Mike remembers to keep Jackson's routine and feed him and change him at the same time tomorrow morning. Wow. I need help. How is he living with me? I wonder if he really wants to divorce his crazy controlling wife, but loves his little munchkin so much that he endures the constant nagging...
Maybe he can forgive me, because the first step is realizing you have a problem. I'll get back to you on that . . . .

What I learned today: Jackson will be fine regardless of if he only has the shirt on his back and a cloth diaper. Banishing all routine to the wind this weekend, he will remain perfectly safe, happy, and loved. I will miss him. I think this is mostly about me letting go, and trying to hang on to everything I know before I say goodbye. It's only three days, but if this is what it's like to gradually let him gain independence, he is in for it when he gets his first girlfriend...