I've never done anything for 16 days straight, so a small amount of praise to me for getting this far! If I start a diet or exercise program, it usually fades into the distance by day six or seven. If I give up iced coffee or bread on a dare, it usually comes crashing to a halt around day 3. I never thought I would get this far in writing one blog for each day of Jack's life this year. Other than being exhausted, and staying up well past my 9:00 (who am I kidding, 8:00) bedtime, this has been an eye opening experience in only these short weeks.
To be honest, the inception of this blog came out of the fact that I work all day while Jackson is at daycare, and I constantly struggle with the fact that I miss millions of these notable moments each day. So, I document the magical and inspirational moments I do have with him, in our short time together after a day of work. For me, choosing to stay at home or work outside home is such a personal decision that is no one else's business. But this is a blog, so it is your business now.
If I choose to work, I should enjoy work fully, and come home to my child a better mother to him, because I have fed my sense of purpose and my work thrills me. If I make the decision to stay home, I should revel in every moment with my child, and know that I was a better mom to him because I have fed my sense of purpose by teaching, nurturing, and being present. I don't understand the Mommy Wars. There is not one answer for every family. Would a mother that thrives on the fast pace of a corporate life be a good mom if stayed home and raised her children, or is she a better mom because she walks through the door from a fulfilling day of work happy, confident, and willing to seize every moment with her child? I like my job, but am not thrilled by it, so I wouldn't place myself in the highly motivated career person category. I miss my monkey every moment I am not answering a phone or running a query. But yet, if we want to buy a house and have another child at some point, having one income is not an option.
So alas, what I learned today is that the struggle continues, and that I can never fully come to grips with the fact that I miss so much of Jackson's daily life, when he is changing at such a rapid pace. All I can do at this time is to recognize every precious moment that I do have with Jackson and cherish it with a full heart.
3 comments:
it totally is a struggle... exactly that... while i love my job mostly, lately i just want to be home with the kids.. though when i was home with them all the time i wanted to be at work.. i need a 3 day a week work option... sigh.. even 4...
You are a phenomenal mom! Thoughtful, reflective, loving, caring, intentional -- your son benefits from every minute you spend with him, and even from the time that you are apart but thinking about and planning your time together. (And from personal experience I know you are a great co-worker too!) You put more than 100% into whatever you choose to do. And that's why I love you. :)
Hi Amy and Kate! Thanks so much for your comments on this one. It was a difficult one to write, and meant a lot that you both share/support the struggle. You both mean so much to me. Thank you for reading this by the way!!
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