On this day, 11 years ago, Jackson's Pop Pop made his way to heaven. My father always knew he would have a grandson. He was destined to be in a house full of women, but he knew someday there would be a little boy around to balance out the estrogen.
As soon as I was pregnant, I knew I was having that boy. There was no question in my mind that he came from a special place in our hearts and a blessing from heaven. As Jackson gets older, it gets more and more difficult to not have my dad here with us. I imagine that he would be the laid back grandfather, leading him to be the adventurous type and constantly reminding the women to let him "toughen up" and not baby him so much. But he would also have a strong protective side, and a willingness to drop everything and make sure he was safe, happy, and had everything he needed. He would have spent weekends with him fishing, camping, building fires, touring the fire station, taking walks in the woods, canoeing, planting seeds, and playing at the beach. He would have been an amazing grandfather. I always knew that.
It's most difficult to lose something, when you know you have something incredibly special. The loss takes my breath away - even a decade later. I knew what I had in a father . . . I had unrelentless support, encouragement, guidance, and unconditional love. You can not ask for more than that. There is no more than that to give.
Jackson Robert will live this life having never met his Pop Pop, but I have to believe that the way he raised me, and the way he guided our family, will extend his memory and make him alive and present in Jackson's life everyday.
An old song my dad use to play in the truck was recently reintroduced to me, and the following lyrics are so apropos . . . of course, it's Dan Fogelberg's "Leader of the Band."
I thank you for the music
and your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
when it came my time to go-
I thank you for the kindness
and the times that you got tough
And Papa I don't think I said
"I love you" near enough.
3 comments:
That is beautiful, Kree. I know your dad is watching over all of you, especially his grandson, every day.
And I LOVE THAT SONG. One of my faves. I have the album if you ever want it.
Thinking of your fam today. Your dad sounds like such a special man.
Both Pop Pops are watching over that little guy always....
Aw... i can completely imagine how he would have been as a grandpa... it would have been amazing to watch..
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