Year 1, Day 34

I have a confession to make. I cried last night . . . at my doctor appointment with my primary care physician whom I had been delaying seeing for 3 years. I finally opted to find another PCP that I might feel more comfortable with, and I sure did! I met her last night, and cried as soon as I opened my mouth. It's funny how I can let your guard down to complete strangers. Aside from the struggle to lose that last 30 pounds of baby weight, hahaha, I had a meltdown related to my life, which is not a bad life by any means. There are people with inoperable cancer, soldiers dying in Iraq, and homeless children on the street, so my life is rosy in comparison.

What I was crying about was the inability to balance all the roles that are thrust upon you from the moment you give birth. All of a sudden, you are a mother - which is all consuming - and takes the place of every other role you ever even imagined you had as a human being. Next, you have to figure out where to squeeze in being a friend, sister, daughter, wife, co-worker and therapist. It's a difficult adjustment to make. And, it's an adjustment I thought I had made by now. Apparently not. Sometimes your tears know more than you do about yourself, and they find a way to sneak out when they've been pushed inside too long. Sure, life gets overwhelming, though I wouldn't say I'm clinical and need meds by any means (however, I did have to schedule a followup for 6 weeks, so maybe she thinks so) but I would be remiss if I wrote this blog making you think that every day is a bright sun shiny, rainbow emerging, walk in the park. Sometimes this new life isn't what it's cracked up to be, and that's okay.

My PCP didn't look alarmed or call for the straight jacket when I shed a lake of tears in her office. She calmly handed me a box of tissues, as if she sees this everyday, and gave me advice on finding ways to nourish myself and take time out to do things for me. All good advice, and something we should all follow as women. Carving out those moments for you, because it makes you a better mother, sister, friend, daughter, wife, co-worker and therapist to all. Sometimes, it's okay to give sub 75% when you don't have 100% to give. Women are notorious for feeling guilty if they don't say yes to everything asked of them - screw the guilt. Time in life is too precious to cry over silly things that are truly meaningless and to feel guilty for not being everything to everyone.

What I learned today: We put expectations on ourselves that are unattainable at best. It's not easy being a mom, even if you have an angelic little boy who is so super cute, smart, and funny like I am blessed with having :) If it was easy, guys would be mothers.