Year 1, Day 229

In the sunlight today, Jackson's little blonde curls on the side of head looked so precious, I wept. It was one of those silly moments as a mom when you surprise yourself that you are that emotionally unstable.  Really, how can I flood up over ringlets, but somehow still manage a household and get everywhere where they need to be on a daily basis?  Until I was a mom, I never cried at the drop of a hat. It would be months between rivers of tears.  I don't think it means I'm depressed....but I think it means that I see the world in a different light now. Of course I do - I want to see the beauty in everything, because I want Jackson to grow up with optimism and appreciation for those little things.

I still can't believe that I have a little breathing human being that resembles us running around here (how genetics really does work is SUCH a miracle by the way). But, how he looks up to us and counts on us to show him the way and make it through to the next day . . . I've never been depended on like that. I've never had good luck with anything living, such as house plants and even cacti, so it's amazing to me that somehow we are able to master this parenthood journey. Well, mastery is a strong word. Let's say, we do the best we can on every given day - sometimes we fail and sometimes we exceed expectations of ourselves. But, no matter, we always surprise ourselves. Sometimes that surprise comes out as crying at things like his little blonde ringlets . . . but that is when I know - when I truly know, that I am feeling so blessed and happy to be here, at this time in my life, with this little precious boy and my family.